Impulsive Rambling

Impulsive? Maybe. But this really got me thinking, and it's certainly not the first time I've been down this road. One thought leads to the next, and long before you know it you're on a totally different track than you were a couple of seconds ago, or is it just me? I sometimes find myself wondering and contemplating on how certain things could change or affect a relationship. I'm referring to relatively strong and close friendships. Some things could have drastic effects on such relationships. Let me drop the riddles...

We all encounter or experience milestones throughout our lives, and its at times like these that we are expected to make changes in our lifestyles and ourselves in order to adapt to the new way of life. The 'milestone' that got me thinking here was marriage. Marriage, engagement or anything else leading to it for that matter. I could not totally comprehend all the infinitesimal changes that would follow each bifurcation upon approaching a time like this. I'd usually lead myself astray with 101 questions and no answers.

I've grown very close to some friends that just sometimes thoughts like these tend to give me a sense of insecurity. I've both close male and female friends alike, but it's my relationship with my female friends that I'm worried about. None of them are married yet nor are they engaged, but that doesn't change its inevitability. The question here is how and to what degree are they going to change? It won't be the same with them all, but once again its inevitable. I don't know what to expect, and that's what I fear. Is it wrong for me to fear such thing? How else would I react. Some of the relationships I'm talking about here could be considered by some as uncomfortably close. Yeah well it's too late to change that now isn't it. We've done so much, said so much and shared so much. But just how much exactly of that are they willing to forget? Is it because I am who I am that they expect so much of me? I mean no one in their sane mind would expect things to remain the way they were before and after something like this. No matter how much we sat and talked about things like this, no matter what we'd say to eachother with God knows how many promises in between... would anyone in their sane mind predict how things would turn out?

This is where I choose to stop. I'm draining my thoughts, and running in circles with more questions than I care to be answered. But this whole thing still remains a mystery...